Friday Fun Blog: 7 Fact-ish Facts About Cats

While LifeLearn believes the current COVID-19 crisis should be taken seriously, we also know that laughter is important to help us all get through. In that spirit, we present another Friday Fun blog ahead of Cat World Domination Day (June 24^th, 2020). Please feel free to share with your clients.
Many people believe that cats will one day rule the world. Indeed, the argument can easily be made that cats largely rule today, and the only thing that’s hindered their quest for global dominion until now has been the can opener, which cats both venerate and loath because they still can’t operate them. Yet if YouTube has shown the world anything, it has shown the adeptness of cats to learn many things, from playing pianos to flushing toilets (which is part of why we love cats, and why June 4^th is International Hug Your Cat Day). So, if cat mastery of the can opener is a simple inevitability, here are seven fact-ish facts to know about our future overlords.

1. A ninja is not a cat, but all cats are ninjas.
2. As part of Earth’s ever-present ninja feline army, all kittens are cute so they can easily infiltrate human homes.
3. Cats don’t chase birds in the hope of killing them (although that sometimes happens). Cats are trying to ride them because they lack an air force.
4. Cats are ideal leaders. Nothing is too small to escape their attention. They don’t break promises because they don’t make them and they’re pretty much self-cleaning.
5. Cats purr not because they’re feeling affectionate toward a particular owner (although that sometimes happens) but because they’re thinking of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine.
6. Sometimes, pain is a deeply complex amalgam of interlaced and fragmented emotions that can take years to identify. Sometimes, pain is just a kitten clamped onto your leg, easy to identify and painful to remove but still less painful than dealing with complex emotions.
7. Most cats are afraid of zombies taking over the world, for one reason. The zombies will be in charge of the can openers, and given the legendary thick-headedness of zombies, cats will have to repeatedly shout (in their own feline way), “No! You clamp and then twist the thingy! How can it take you three hours and you’re still not getting it? Where’s a sofa? I need to shred a freakin’ sofa!”

Need more laughs? Read our inaugural Friday Fun blog, Petflix (filled with pet puns), or the follow-up More Petflix blog (even more pun-tastic!).